Friday, December 27, 2013

About Feelings of Inadequacy

Posted by Christoph

So I've been thinking a bit today. The result of my extensive (almost caught you with that one, didn't I? Extensive.. hilarious!) thinking is that I want to write about feelings of inadequacy. So here goes:

Absolutely everbody on the planet has such feelings every once in a while, I'm sure! Some more than others and maybe me more than you (or you more than me, I could never know).
Another true story is that usually, we don't really go out of line and talk about them. It's hurtful and embarassing and even though it would actually do us good, we just don't get our insecurities out in the open. Well, in many cases that is probably good. I won't advocate for being vulnerable to everyone, EVERYTIME. That wouldn't be very wise.

What I want us to think about today, is change. Change is tough!
Just about every time in my life when I thought that certain things have changed or were actually close to changing, reality has tightened its grip and thrown me back.
What I was (and am!) left with, is the seemingly unshakeable feeling that things will never ever change. That I would never ever change. Whatever bugs me, you name it. I might make nice experiences, but sooner than later I seem to slip back into the same old stuff, struggling, seemingly unsuccessful to change my life, as much as it felt like it a moment ago. Something is trying to snatch that winning, conquering mindset from me.

A lot of my own insecurity comes from my handicap. It really depends, but let me just say that every once in a while it bugs me. It bugs me, when I can't climb a flight of stairs because there's no handrail. It bugs me, when I see father's picking up their kids. It bugs me when I need help carrying my suitcase. It bugs me when I fall.
This of course, has a lot to do with pride. I struggle with preconceived ideas of what a man should be, what a man should do and what makes a man manly. 
Some of these ideas that I have may even be valid, even though I really should let them go. Some of them are downright stupid. None of them should make me feel bad, but darn it, sometimes they just do.  

I could strech this post now and e more specific, be more vulnerable. I don't think I need to. I want you to listen to this instead:

Abraham was first named “father” and then became a father because he dared to trust God to do what only God could do: raise the dead to life, with a word make something out of nothing. When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw he couldn’t do but on what God said he would do. Romans 4:17-18

Isn't that amazing???!!
From one second to the other, the whole picture changes! Why?
Because I no longer look to my own imperfections and "dis-abilities".
In the blink of an eye I'm face to face with hope. 
You see, I may not be able to do many things. I may do a lot of stupid things as I try to figure out life. I may make wrong decisions.
Yet God is infinitely and definitely more able than I will ever be, even were I the closest to perfect human being on earth.
And you know what? This verse doesn't even talk about what God says he could do, but about what he would do!
Do you get it? This is not a "if I feel like it", "if I feel you deserve it", "if I have spare time and energy" kind of situation. This is the maker of life, creating-life-out-of-nothing, wonderful loving God, DOING THINGS because HE SAID HE WOULD.
If that's not encouraging, I don't know what is!

Well maybe this is:
“I think there should be a rule that everyone in the world should get a standing ovation at least once in their lives.” — R.J. Palacio

If you feel insecure, or scared or hopeless, remember this!
From my very soul, I promise I'll root for you!